Pain, Fear, Confusion
by staceycj
Summary: One Shot. What happened to Sammy when he died at the end of All Hell Breaks Loose Part I?


**Author's Note: Takes Place during AHBL part 2.**

* * *

_Pain. White. Hot. Cold. Wet. Dean. Numb. Dean's screams. Hard to keep eyes open. Closed. Breath. Gone. _Sam's thoughts were interrupted by blackness. When the blackness subsided he found himself lying on a couch that was surprisingly similar to the one he had in the apartment he shared with Jessica. He sat up, and the pain that he had felt just moments ago had vanished. His back didn't hurt, and he most certainly didn't have the brain confusion he usually had when he had significant blood loss. Therefore, he had either only been hit hard by the idiot or he had slept straight through his recovery. He rubbed his eyes and looked at his surroundings with a hunter's eye.

Surprise hit him full force. He wasn't on a couch that simply felt like the couch he had had with Jessica, it was the couch he and Jessica had bought when they had moved into the small apartment just off campus. It had been their first purchase as a couple and it had filled him with such excitement to be able to buy his first piece of real furniture for his normal life that had nothing to do with hunting demons, ghosts, or goblins and all to do with a girl with blonde hair, a sweet smile, and glittering blue eyes. Upon further inspection he realized that he was in the apartment.

Standing he surveyed his surroundings. Everything was in its place. Every nick knack that Jessica had bought or brought with her from home was resting in the same place that his memory said it had. "This can't be possible." He breathed as he picked up the copy of A Walk To Remember that Jessica had been reading. Her bookmark in the same place it had rested the night he had left to help Dean find their father. "It burned. There wasn't anything left."

"It is possible." His head snapped up and he saw Jessica, in the white flowing skirt that she had loved, with her pale pink tank top she had worn so often that it had lost its vibrancy. Sam's eyes welled up. He took a step back.

"I wasn't hunting a Djin." He said softly.

"No. You weren't. This has nothing to do with wish fulfillment." She said cryptically and took a step forward offering a soft smile.

"Then this isn't possible. There isn't anything else that can do something like this."

"There are powers that can do a lot of things Sam, and not all of them have malevolent intentions." She took another step forward and he allowed her to gain ground on him.

"So, you mean this is heaven?" He asked with quaking voice. He was afraid that she would say that this wasn't heaven, that she wasn't Jessica…he was just afraid.

"I wouldn't assign that name to it. It is a lot of things. It is all things. It is anything you want it to be." She took another step closer to him and he could smell her perfume. He unconsciously took a deep breath and closed his eyes. A tear slid past his lids and he felt her hand on his face wiping away that tear. He opened them again and her face filled his sight. There was nothing but her peaches and cream skin, joyous blue eyes, and that mane of blonde hair that he had buried his face in more than once. He reached out and touched a blonde lock and pulled her into a hug.

"Jessica." He breathed and held her as tightly as he could. "I've missed you so much."

"I've missed you too." She said quietly her voice whispering against his ear. He pulled his face closer to hers and buried his nose into her neck.

"Jessica is it really you?" he asked again pulling away from her. Her smiling face and twinkling eyes providing the answer, but he waited for her voice.

"Yes, Sam, it is really me."

"My mom. Is she here too?"

Jessica nodded. "She is."

"When can I see her?" he asked suddenly feeling greedy. Suddenly just having Jessica with him wasn't enough, he wanted his mother, his father. _Wait. Is Dad here too?_ He wondered.

"Is my dad here too?" he asked cutting Jessica off before she could answer his previous question. Jessica looked down and when she looked up her eyes no longer had that twinkling happiness that had been there mere seconds ago.

"No, Sam, I'm sorry he's not. He's…" she paused seemingly trying to find the right words. "He is elsewhere."

"You mean Hell?" Jessica stayed silent. Sam took her silence for confirmation. "So, this is heaven." He said again.

"Sam. Don't over think." She said avoiding answering his question. "Do you want to see your mom?" she asked. Sam paused for a moment.

"Yeah, I would really like to see Mom." Jessica's bright smile returned and she stepped up on her toes briefly and gave him a kiss on the cheek.

"She will be so happy to see you! Go and get your clothes changed." Sam went into the bedroom in a sort of daze. It was like his brain was muffled. Like something was fading. He put on the clean pair of jeans he found along with a tee shirt he hadn't seen since the fire and headed out to follow Jessica to wherever she was going to take him to see his mother.

It wasn't like walking. It was more like appearing somewhere. One moment they were in the apartment and the next they were standing outside of the house in Lawrence Kansas and Mary Winchester was standing there with her hands held out and she welcomed her boy into her waiting arms.

"My baby." She whispered as she hugged him close. "I've waited for so long to be with you." Unlike Jessica, she had tears in her eyes. "We don't have much time." She whispered and ushered Sam and Jessica inside.

"What do you mean Mom?" he asked as she pulled him into the house and forced him to sit down.

"Your brother," she began. The fuzz that Sam had been feeling cleared. That was what he had been forgetting, Dean. How could he forget the man who had raised him, who he had spent the last two years with, working, eating, sleeping, driving…That was what this place was trying to force him to forget.

"What's wrong with Dean?" he asked almost frantic.

"He's about to do something…irrevocable." She said turning away from her tall son. He stood and put a hand on her shoulder.

"Mom." He encouraged her to turn around, her eyes no longer held the tears, they were spilling down her skin and onto her blue shirt that darkened when the tears fell onto it.

"He's going to be with his father." Sam's whole body fell into tingles.

"Dean is going to hell?" he asked.

"There isn't exactly…"

"Mom. I don't have time for this game. I don't care what you call it." He said and pushed hair out of his eyes.

"He's going to be with your father." She repeated.

"How?"

"Demon. Same as your father." She turned from him again. This time he stood in front of her forcing her to look at him, to talk to him. Sam felt a surge of panic rise in his chest.

"What do you mean? What is he doing it for?" Sam asked desperately.

"For you Sam." She said. "Always for you Sammy." She said softly and touched her son's cheek.

"How do you know?" Her face continued to crumple. "Mom, how do you know?" He demanded.

"You are always connected to the ones you love." Jessica supplied. He had nearly forgotten she was there.

"What?" he asked desperately wishing that they would stop talking in code and just tell him what in the world was going on.

"When you die, and you love someone, you are still connected to them. You can see them, know what they're doing."

"Angels really do watch over us." Sam said softly amazed. Mary wrapped her arms tightly over her stomach and bent in the middle.

"No, baby, you are worth more than that." She said in anguish. "No baby no." she said and fell to her knees.

"Mom?" he asked. "Mom!" he demanded louder.

"Dean, baby no. No!" she yelled and Sam felt something like what he imagined it felt like to be sucked up by a shop vac. The world disappeared and Jessica's sad face was the last thing he saw before the blackness.

He awoke, taking a sharp intake of breath. He took a look around and couldn't remember how he got in the run down shack and onto the ancient bed. The pain in his back burned, and he couldn't remember anything except Dean desperately shouting his name. _Pain. Fear. Confusion._


End file.
